top of page

Power and Control

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control and can look different from relationship to relationship.

Emotional Abuse

Using Coercion and Threats

Using Intimidation

Using Emotional Abuse

  • Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt you

  • Threatening to leave you, to commit suicide, to report you to welfare

  • Making you drop charges

  • Making you do illegal things

  • Making you afraid by using looks, actions, gestures

  • Smashing or breaking things

  • Destroying your property

  • Abusing pets

  • Displaying weapons

  • Putting you down

  • Making you feel bad about yourself

  • Calling you names

  • Making you think you're crazy 

  • Playing mind games

  • Humiliating you

  • Making you feel guilty


Using Isolation

Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

Using Children

  • Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, where you go

  • Limiting your outside involvement

  • Using jealousy to justify actions

  • Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it seriously

  • Saying the abuse didn't happen

  • Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

  • Saying you caused it

  • Making you feel guilty about the children

  • Using the children to relay messages

  • Using visitation to harass you

  • Threatening to take the children away

Economic Abuse

Using Privilege

Using Economic Abuse

  • Treating you like a servant

  • Making all the big decisions

  • Acting like the "master of the castle"

  • Being the one to define gendered roles

  • Preventing you from getting or keeping a job

  • Making you ask for money

  • Giving you an allowance

  • Taking your money

  • Not letting you know about or have access to family income

If you believe you are a victim of domestic violence or sexual assault in San Juan County and need help, please call or email SAFE San Juans.

bottom of page